| As the golden sun, shimmered beyond the green hills, I smiled as the last ray of sunlight shone over my face. The warmth of the sun made my stomach crave for the food cooking inside. I followed the scent that drew me closer to the scrumptious meal my mom has made. As I stood there, I saw my mom’s graceful hand, preparing a bowl of nice, hot soup. I gave my mom a tight squeeze of love as I waited for the meal. As I waited, a sharp, strong sense of cologne filled my senses. It belonged to my mom’s boyfriend, Charles. My mother never really liked the smell, but I always loved it. As I greeted him, I saw him and my mother embrace each other with love. It didn’t matter if I was rich or glamorous; I felt like I was walking on a hundred rainbows. But this night wasn’t like the regular nights. This night, anger and fear crept in the house. It crept over my wonderful and joyous thoughts.
The hills weren’t really green; they were dried brown gasping for water from the heat of the sun. The sun slowly crept away like it did not want night to come. No scrumptious scent lured my stomach, nothing stirred in the kitchen. I was in my room, the room where my dog played creating messiness everyday. I was waiting for my mom to arrive home. She was dropping off my younger brother at a birthday party. I could’ve gone to my school festival, but I thought it would be nice to have a mother and daughter day tonight. Sometimes, I wish I was gone that night. As I hear the garage door open, I rush outside. I see my mom weary, sick, and confused. “Was it a bad day at work? What could’ve made my mother feel this way? Where was the strong and confident mother who always reassured me?” I questioned myself.
“Mommy, what are we having for dinner? Do you want me to help?” I exclaimed, hoping for my mom’s face to brighten. “Not right now, I have to think something over,” my mom answered wearily. Being irritated with no food for five or more hours I answer back, “Then when are we going to eat?” “Rea! I told you! Not now!” yelled mom. A chill went through my spine. Why did she yell at me? Were we not going to have dinner today? I just didn’t understand why she would take her anger out at me. With hurt, I stampeded back in my room. I shut the door tight, so that not even air could get in. I already see the mess that my dog had created. In fury I ask myself, “What the freak! What did I do? Ugh!” I sat on my chair, which was not comfy anymore, staring at my computer. Talking to my friends made me feel better, whenever I had these random moments.
As I sent a message to my friends, I can hear a ring noise each time I pressed enter. But that wasn’t the only thing I heard the second time. “What? What’s going on?” I asked myself. I heard my mom crying and yelling in pain. “Who was she yelling at? Ko has gone to a party and I’m in my room? Can it be Charles? But why?” These thoughts raced through my mind as I crept closer to the living room. My living room is a very cozy place. I loved how my mom decorated the place. Today, the living room wasn’t as cozy; it was like a war zone. The pillows that were supposed to be on the sofa were on the floor. As I look up, I see Charles furious as the sweet aroma surrounded us. My anger toward my mom was gradually wearing away as I saw her body.
She had scrunched up her body, as if the walls were closing on her. My mom never had done this before. I wanted to cry when I saw her face tearing with no hope. My mom whispered, “Go away Rea. You don’t need to know...” Charles looked directly at me. For a second, I hated him because of what he had done to my mother. “What did you do!” I yelled at him on the top of my lungs. “I didn’t do anything! She kept arguing with me and picking a fight with me! You tell me what’s wrong with her!” he raged. I was dazed and confused. I can see that what he said, he meant it. “Then what’s wrong with my mom today? Mommy, what’s wrong? Tell me.” I pleaded. “Rea!” my mom shouted, “Go to your room now!” At that exact moment, she threw a pillow at me. She has never thrown a pillow at me. She has never acted like this before. Shocked and confused, I drooped down on the sofa. My face was blank; no tears ran down my face, no anger gripped my fist, no nothing. My ears turned numb as they kept arguing. I wanted to be deaf, but I felt deaf. I’m not a fluent Korean speaker, so as they fought in their own language, I tried to figure out what they were saying. I wanted to scream. “Why was this happening?” as I looked down.
“I have cancer!” my mom announced as she was choking on her tears. “And you never cared. You never wondered what was wrong with me! You never came to any of my appointments!” His face was blank, from then I knew something was wrong. Then he yelled, “You never told me anything! You always kept it to yourself. Every time I asked, you always pushed me away!” From then, I wished I was a fluent speaker. “..Cancer?” I asked myself. “Is that right? Or is it something else...” Then I remembered, all the time she had stomach pain, all the visits to the hospital, all the meals she skipped because it would cause her pain. Why hadn’t I known this earlier? “What!? What’s happening? This can’t be happening!” I shouted as I stood up in shock, “Mommy, tell me that it’s not true!” I threw myself on my mom’s lap. I remember her stroking my tangled hair, telling me how much I've grown. But this time, she didn’t touch me like I had a disease. She just looked at me with anger.
“No, no mommy! Don’t cry. Please don’t and stop arguing! Mommy please...” I desperately asked. As I waited for a calm and peaceful answer that she would always say by now, she said, “I told you to go! Get out of here!” Did I hear that right out of my moms’ mouth? All I'm trying to do is help. I raced inside my room grabbing a sweater and my cell phone. As I quietly glanced at them, I went outside to the backyard depressed that they were still arguing. The sun finally was dying down. The ray shined at my face for the last time. I ran further and further trying to grasp the sun, so that it wouldn’t go away. I called all my friends for comfort, and yet no one answered their phone. “Should I go to school? Will my friends be there?” these thoughts paced my mind faster than I could think.
I found a little curb where I stayed for a couple of minutes, crying my heart out. Now that the sun was gone, darkness enveloped me. I was scared, then I thought, “What am I doing? Where am I going? I’m going back, this is stupid.” As it got darker and darker, I wandered myself back home. Besides the fact that the darkness over layered my happiness, someone was missing. My mom was missing. “Where were you?” asked my Charles. I answered back saying, “No where, I was no where.” I went to sleep that night, starving. Although I was starving, it didn’t really matter to me. I was wondering when my mom would come back home. As I woke up the next day with puffy eyes, I saw my mom making breakfast. I smiled at her like what had happened yesterday was just a nightmare. She looked at me sternly and looked away. From then, I knew this was just the beginning of another journey of my life.
I want to write a lot more, since there's so many things on my mind right now. But, I just can't seem to write any of it down. Well, happy birthday to me.  |
